How is their expressive language? Can they tell you what they're feeling in their body before they hit? If your child still does not have words and has trouble understanding you, his/her physical aggression can be due to frustration or even fear.

What's going on internally?

Behaviors are a form of communication, and therefore should be treated as such. What is your child trying to tell you about his/her internal environment?

What are some clues on your child's temperament? Does your child have a "tell" that will let you know some aggression may be on the way? Change in tone of voice or erratic body movements can be a signal of dysregulation.

What can you do?

When you see/hear dysregulation approaching, do your best to slow down everything that is happening around your child. This will give them time to respond in the situation appropriately instead of impulsively. If hitting occurs, be clear and firm in tone "you may not hit". Divert their body away from hurting others or themselves. Let them know you feel what they're feeling, "You feel mad" (with matching tone and affect). Let them know you are there for them, "I want to help you, let me know when you have an idea for me", then just wait with them. This way, they feel seen and heard, the next step is just waiting for their move. And always, reflect on the situation with them when they are calm, "I wonder how your body was feeling when you hit."

What shouldn't you do?

If your child is "seeing red" , chances are they can't hear you trying to reason with them. Do not try to lecture them. Don't ignore the behavior either, it will just escalate.

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